We all love our clients. Seriously, what would we do without them? (Who said ‘better ads’, or something rather less charitable?) But come on, clients are only human – most of them – with the same foibles and failings as the rest of us.

So here are some of the quirkily endearing things that clients might well come out with, together with translations for those not in the know.

One. I’m not 100% sure what I’m looking for… #crystalball

“I’ll know what I like if I see it.”
(T: I have no idea what I want.)
“I don’t like that. Design me something I’ll like.”
(T: What do you mean, you can’t read minds?!)
“There’s too much white space in this ad.”
(T: Why not just make everything bigger?)

Two. I’m actually pretty good at designing stuff you know

“Why can’t you get the same information in half the space?” (T: I have a tenuous grasp of common sense.)
“Hey, let’s run the copy at an angle – it’ll look really trendy.”
(T: I’m still living in the eighties.) 
“There’s too much white space in this ad.”
(T: Why not just make everything bigger?)

Three. A little bit of knowledge is dangerous

“Is there any way we could see each side of the product in the same shot?”
(T: I’ve not been well since my alien abduction.)
“Why can’t you get the same information in half the space?”
(T: I have a tenuous grasp of common sense.)

Four. Be as creative as you like… But not too much!

“Our new corporate guidelines will give you more creative freedom.”
(T: Our new corporate guidelines will give you no creative freedom.)  “Spirals/Lozenges/Starbursts are dead cool. Can you design my literature around them?”
(T: I’ve really lost it this time.)
“That green’s a bit too yellow.”
(T: I have the visual acuity of a chameleon. You should see how long my tongue is.) 

Five. How much?!

“Do I really need press ads in my marketing plan? Can’t you do it all with social media? That’s free isn’t it?” 
(T: I’m an example of a little knowledge being dangerous.)
“You shouldn’t need more than half an hour on this.”
(T: If you charge what the job’s really worth I’ll make your life a misery.)
“I didn’t budget for photography – use a shot from a previous job.”
(T: I’m not that fussed about this campaign)

Six. Just wow!

“Why can’t you get the same information in half the space?”
(T: I have a tenuous grasp of common sense.)
“My wife did this rough sketch. Can you work it up into an ad?”
(T: Designing isn’t a real job anyway.)